Love Her, Hate Myself
by XxBlackButterflyxX
Summary: Two beautiful young ladies of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry have the same sercret.  Both find each other appealing yet hate themselves.  In this story they will struggle with love of the same gender, low self esteem, and cruel people.
1. Member of my Gender

_~~Hello. You people probably do not want to put up with me anymore. Always disappearing with unfinished stories and what-not... I give my sincerest apolojizes. Everything has just been so... -Never mind, you don't want to put up with my excuses. Her is a new story for all of you. I hope you like it. Please, tell me what you think but remember, I don't own Harry Potter. How... unfortunate...~~_

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_Hermione Granger_'s **P**oint **O**f **V**iew (**P**.**O**.**V**.)

Professor Snape's low monotone droning is ringing around my ears but is not quite functioning into a true hear-and-remember process. More like an annoying little buzzing that bounces around in the head for a while before disintegrating to nothingness. I suppose that's what happens to more than fifty percent of the Defense Against the Dark Arts class does and calls "Not Paying Attention". Unfortunately, I've never been one to do such a thing and am now currently breaking that years long perfect listening streak.

And it's all because of _her._

My beautiful distraction that sits right across the small isle from where I am seated myself. Round face looking bored and dazed as it tilts back and forth between the lecturing professor to the blank piece of parchment on the wooden desk. Midnight black hair, shining with a blue hue in the dim lighting of the dungeons, sits only about an inch above sharp black sweater-ed shoulders. It's her legs that I can't keep my eyes off though. Completely hairless, porcelain white legs crossed at the ankle with no socks to hide the enchantment from my roaming brown eyes…

She's like that lost treasure that we search for all our lives. Maybe even just trying to _reach _for all our lives. It's there, but it cannot be touched, no matter what the feeling you have stinging with the beat of your heart.

She's so beautiful… But she's female…

Like I am.

She could never like me back the same way…

_Pansy Parkinson_'s **P**oint **O**f **V**iew (**P**.**O**.**V**.)

Professor Snape just drones on and on. His low voice is just daring anyone to try and speak out or ask a question. No one would dare though. He'd deduct points from any "goody-goody" Gryffindor and scold any prime Slytherin. Usually, _I'd _be willing to take a chance and challenge the idiot Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. But I cannot even focus on a little portion of what is coming out from between is thin bloodless lips. Not one word gets by my ears without disappearing to another more incredible thought.

And it's all because of _her_.

My amazing "high" that sits right across from my place in this dark dungeon. Her pale, oval shaped face looks almost distracted, but I am almost positive the she's paying attention even though I can see the outline of her long lashes moving away from the professor. Soft ringlets of brown hair with mixtures of honey gold color reflect to an angelic sheen even in the dim lighting of the dungeons, lays right at the edge of her pink sweater-ed scapula bones. She has marvelous legs though from what I can see. Not that I can see much behind the knee-high plain white socks and gray plaid skirt that's much to big for her model thin figure…

She's like an addiction to cocaine, or alcohol. Maybe even to… _sex_. An addiction to lust and groping love that makes one's heart want to burst with every passion filled touch. Though we have never touched, just studying her feels like the cradling emotion.

She's so amazing… But she's a girl…

Just like me.

She would never like me the same way I do her…

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_~~ Thank you very much for reading the first chapter of my new story. I hope it was up to your standards. I have more chapters written and will get busy on more. Again, many thanks. Farewell. I wave my black lace glove to you.~~_

_...XxBlackButterflyxX..._


	2. Nobody Loves Me

_~~Hello again darling. This chapter has a lot of nudity and a sexual bit. I hope you don't mind, but, if you don't want to read than I recommend you depart and find a more... friendly type of story of Harry Potter (what of which, I do not own). Good reading to you.~~_

_Normal_ **P**oint **O**f **V**iew (**P**.**O**.**V**.)

Hermione walked quickly down the long stone floored hallway on her way to the Gryffindor dormitories to spend the next two hours before supper in the Great Hall, in her room. Her black Mary Jane shoes clicked in a continuous beat as she moved through the almost bare walkway. Several loitering students of all Houses stepped out of Hermione's path or they would have risked being plowed over by the daydreaming Gryffindor Princess.

But one did not move like all the other's had.

"Watch it Mudblood!" someone sneered as Hermione's arm collided elbow to elbow with somebody else's. Stopping and looking up, Hermione's light brown eyes narrowed in recognition of the person that stood by her. Draco Malfoy, standing about three and a half inches above her, glared with slate gray eyes filled with such venom that other students would have dropped down and kissed his feet. His platinum blond hair fell messily in his always-scowling face as Draco tilted his head slightly to get a better glare at her.

"Watch it yourself Malfoy!" Hermione retorted without moving from where she stood. She had no idea why she was still just standing there. Maybe to show the Slytherin Prince that he wasn't the only one that could bore holes into someone's mind with a burning glare?

Then she heard the voice. The voice that could make her heart leap with joy and cringe in dread at the same time. That beautiful singsong voice that she always wanted to hear, yet, always wanted to get away from. A melody so sweet she wanted to touch the air, lick her fingers, and taste the very essence of the tune.

"There you are Draco!" the voice lullabyed in shouting excitement. The voice came together with a person whom Hermione knew it was all along. The person fluttered into the picture of Draco before her, grasping his white shirted arm with a small pale hand. The sight momentarily made Hermione's breath stop coming while she outright stared. Brown eyes meet solid blue orbs and the world seemed to fall away. The people around stopped talking, the gray stone of the Hogwarts School fell away, and Draco melted into nothingness, but the eyes stayed together. One in one, the same exact height, perfect for gazing at one another.

Then words leaked through the shaky barrier and the world poured back together again.

"Hi Pansy," Draco remarked without seeming too interested. But he did proceed to warp a possessive arm around Pansy's tiny waist. His large hand roaming against the hem of the girl's short blue plaid skirt. Hermione wanted to slap that hand away and claim that curve of the hip with her own hand, but instead, just watched as three long fingers disappeared underneath the pleats.

Pansy giggled cutely and snuggled closer to Draco in the crook of his arm.

"Leave us Mudblood. We have things do to," Hermione's sweet little Pansy stated without even looking anywhere close to her direction.

"I—" Hermione started, but was abruptly cut off by an abrupt wave of a hand.

"_Get!" _Pansy shouted, her blue eyes flicking to Hermione ever so slightly. Then turned in Draco's arm to devour his mouth against her own, making Draco's eyes widen slightly before melting him into the frantic kiss.

With that as her last sight of Pansy, Hermione scuttled away. Unwanting to see more of the mouth she so desperately wanted for herself.

_Pansy Parkinson_'s **P**oint **O**f **V**iew (**P**.**O**.**V**.)

Draco has me trapped in the corner of his deserted bathroom in his "boy's only" dormitory. The door leading to his sleeping quarters has been locked so none of his roommates can walk in on us. Not that any of them particularly care about what Draco does, but the Slytherin Prince seems to like his privacy most of the time. For right now, I am super grateful of his privacy issues, for, I don't want to be seen with him more than I have been already. I don't like him this way and he knows it, but he uses my loneliness and thriving hunger for some sort of love against me. Yet, he treats his women right a lot of the time, especially when it comes to things like this.

Somehow, during this, he _will _make you feel loved and appreciated. Like a royal queen.

So I let him touch me.

He does it lightly at first, like he always does. Being gentle and kind. Warm finger's sweeping softly against my cold cheeks as his stone gray eyes pour into my own blue one's.

Draco knows why I let him do this to me. He understands. He is my friend. A friend with "benefits" I suppose you could say, but that's not how I look at it. I see it as him helping me. Helping me overcome my frantic need for love because I feel none from others. Everyone hates me. They all look at me with ice in their eyes and venom in their words that I just let bounce off me like some sort of super person. Only Draco loves me, even if it is only a friendship kind of love but it makes me feel not so alone and deprived. He knows this too, even though I've never told him. That's why he touches me in public. That's why he responds to my constant clinging to him. That's why he does this…

"Are you sure?" he questions in a whisper, not wanting to alarm me. In reply I do as I did in the hallway only moments before. I pounce up and capture his mouth against my own. Feeling his soft lips, I start to daydream about what did happen in the hall. Hermione being there. The look of hurt when I screamed at her to leave. I hurt her. I always hurt her. I hate myself for it and so does she. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at me, the tears sparking in the gorgeous big brown orbs or the same icy glare I get from everyone else.

I also remember something else. That moment when there weren't any hot burning tears or freezing cold ice, when our eyes meet and everything cracked away like missing puzzle pieces. I was feeling too much, and she was seeing it all. My swelling heart and the joy that leapt from some unknown place inside me, she could see it and I don't want her to know how much I care. Because she hates me. She _loathes _me. I had to break it off, the spell that caught us up like a sticky spider web. So I told her to leave. I couldn't let her speak back either or risk being pulled back by her poisonous voice, that's why I couldn't look at her and spoke so heartlessly to her.

I felt her hate and felt her hurt. I felt no love once again so I kissed Draco. He was surprised, but he understood.

He always understands me.

Like right now…

Our kiss just keeps on going. He bites my bottom lip with gentle practiced teeth and his fingers graze against my cheeks again. I open my mouth, and grab his tongue with mine as his opens too. Draco has a taste no one would ever expect. Warm and almost sweet, something that you can't get enough of, with a touch of that "man" bud that every male has.

His hands find the hem of my skirt again, just like in the hallway except with both hands this time. Hands skimming against the bare skin of my upper leg and disappearing under the blue plaid. Draco smoothes up and down my hip beneath my skirt and finds the elastic of my thin satin panties. He breaks the mouth-to-mouth kiss and plants one on my cheek, then my jaw, then travels down to get at my neck. The neck is one of my most sensitive spots. He teasingly takes a nip and slides on finger in the elastic of my panties and runs it across the length. My body pricks with goose-bumps and Draco moves his hands out from under my skirt and finds the zipper of my black sweater. Slowly he pulls it down, moving his kisses, nips, and licks, down my neck and to my collarbone as he does so. Once it's fully open, he slides it down my shoulders with his fingers making imaginary lines down my arms as he does so. We hear the garment almost noiselessly thud to the floor; his kisses stop at my silky silver-blue bra. He stands straight and looks down at me.

"Pansy," he whispers and puts his warm hands on the cold skin of my shoulders. He moves them up and down my arms as if to warm me up. "Are you really _sure_?" Draco asks once again. He does this to every woman he has, he's told me so and yes I believe him. Draco doesn't lie to me.

"Please," I whisper back. I sound pathetic even to my own ears. Draco's gray eyes flick back and forth in little movements as he studies my face. He sighs and rubs my bare arms again, then moves to my upper back where the hook of my bra is located. I hear the soft click as he undoes it, but he holds it there with both hands still watching me. "Please," I call again, reaching up and pressing the palm of my hand to his warm cheek. I feel my eyes start to water, wondering if Draco now hates me too. He doesn't love me anymore. Hates me like everyone else.

"Stop. No I don't hate you Pansy," Draco replies and at the same time lets go of the hooks of my bra and lets it fall down my arms. I put my hand back down at my side and let it come completely off and fall to the tile floor with my sweater. I didn't even say it out loud and still he understands. I told you he understands me. Always.

His gaze rolls down to my bare largest B cup breasts then back up to my face. We've done this before but he still always stops to peel apart my feelings before he does anything drastic.

"Go ahead," I say. I grasp his hand that resided at his side and bring it slowly up to my chest. I push it against my right breast and it automatically cups to hold the flesh and fat. He runs his thumb uncertainly across my light pink nipple, making it harden slightly at the soft touch. "Please Draco…"

He runs his thumb across my nipple again and answers me. "Shhh, okay Pansy…"

With that, I let go of his hand and he boldly starts right away. Taking his other hand and grasping my left breast as well as my right and moves his thumbs in fast circles around and around my hardened nipples. Then he stops and puts the warm hands on my hips and leans his head down, his tongue pokes my nipple. He takes it in his mouth and does a single very hard suck. Then another. And one more, then he moves to the next one to repeat the process.

"I swear you have the prettiest breasts I've ever seen Pansy. Not too big, not to small. Fits right in my hands and has beautiful rose colored nipples," Draco compliments. I've heard it from him before but I love to hear it from him again. He's so sweet.

Draco goes away from my breasts and travels kisses down my ribs and stomach. Draco doesn't like how my ribs stick out so much, but he doesn't say anything this time. Just kisses them with tenderness and than promptly ignores them.

He gets down to the top part of my skirt now. Draco is kneeling on the floor before me and my heart starts to pound as he tugs at my skirt and panties at the same time. He brings both elastic bands away from my small hips and pulls them passed my bottom, down the length of my legs, to land around my feet. I feel so exposed, almost virgin-like as I stand fully naked in front of Draco. I am tempted to place my hands modestly to cover my cleanly shaven female part, but resist by putting my hands lightly on Draco's fully clothed shoulders. His hands dance around my bottom and legs as if he's stalling.

I hear him sigh once again as if he knows that this isn't truly what I want. I watch the top of his blond head lean forward, then something warm and moist touching the clit of my womanhood…

_Hermione Granger_'s **P**oint **O**f **V**iew (**P**.**O**.**V**.)

I have trapped myself in the confinements of the girl dormitory bathroom that I share with two other's of my House. The door leading to my roommates and I sleeping quarters is locked with a charm to see that no intrusion happens as I sit here and wallow. Not that they'd care if I cried on their shoulders or anything. Especially not Ginny, one of my best friends, but I can't seem to conjure up any smooth lies to hide the true reason that I'm crying. A reason no one will ever know.

Pansy hurt my feelings.

Not a hurt like a little paper cut that I can just ignore and the stinging will go away within the hour, but a throbbing crush as if she were to reach in and squeeze my heart while it was still in my chest. Usually her and Draco Malfoy's insults bounce off me or I can easily pretend that I don't care. But the meeting of Pansy's eyes today then having her snatch reality back to me by seeing her kiss Draco was too much to bear. It made me realize how completely stupid I am for even thinking about Pansy Parkinson for more than a smidge of a second. No more than a smidge of a mini second! But I feel so pathetically wrapped up in my love for her that she could never return. She hates me. And I'm supposed to hate her back.

I sniffle delicately, shakily stand to my feet, and walk away from my corner of the bathroom where I was once hunched over bawling. Stopping at the mirrors, I examine the person in the glass that is supposed to be me. I don't want to believe that it is me, but I suppose I have to believe it. The pale tear-stained face is mine. The plain brown hair and stupid fluffy curls are mine. The too large equally plain brown eyes are mine… No wonder I'm always so alone. I'm so ugly. Ugliness is so unlike the hundreds of other girls in the school, the thousands of girls in the wizarding world, and the millions of other's in the whole world. I want to be like them. Then maybe I'd have a better chance with her. With _anyone _really.

But maybe it's just my face that's ugly?

Slowly, I travel my eyes down the mirror to take in the sight of clothing that's much too big for me. I use them to hide my figure. I never like to show off but… maybe…

Sniffing again and blinking my eyes, I grab the edge of my pink sweater. Quickly I rip it off my body and throw it aside. I slid off my uncomfortable Mary Jane's, along with my white knee socks that covered my pale legs. I unzip my skirt and wriggle my legs so the gray fabric swishes to the floor. Now can I look?

I do, and feel the tears bursting in my well used tear ducts once again. My stomach looks fatty, as do my thighs. My skin is so pale that I could be see-through if I went any lighter. Ugly, ugly… I take a breath and go to expose the rest of my body. Unclasping my off-white bra and slipping it down my arms, then sliding my comfy cotton knickers over my bottom and down the legs. I stand straight and come face to face with more ugly… My breasts are the smallest C cup there is and seem to be drooping only slightly under that fattiness. The nipples are an odd shade of light brown and pink mixed together, not a cute rosebud pink or a blushing pink like other girls have.

"I wish I was beautiful instead of so hideous. Pretty like Ginny. Or gorgeous like Pansy…" I whisper out loud to my reflection, my fingers pinching pieces of ugly fat on my stomach.

No wonder no one loves me… Not even _I _love me…

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_~~Thank you very much for reading all the way through. I will be sure to add another Chapter as soon as possible. Again, thank you. I'd be pleased if __you tell me what you thought. Farwell, I wave my black-laced glove to you...~~_

_...XxBlackButterflyxX..._


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